Discovering that your partner is emotionally cheating can be a confusing and painful experience. Emotional cheating can sometimes be harder to identify than physical cheating, but its impact can be just as devastating.
Here, we will discuss what emotional cheating is, provide examples, and guide you on what to do if you suspect or discover that your partner is emotionally cheating.
What is Emotional Cheating?
Emotional cheating occurs when one partner forms a deep, emotional connection with someone outside the relationship, which can undermine the emotional bond they share with their partner. Unlike physical cheating, emotional cheating doesn’t involve a physical relationship, but it can still lead to feelings of betrayal and hurt.
Examples of Emotional Cheating
Understanding what constitutes emotional cheating can help you identify it. Here are some common examples:
- Secretive Communication: Your partner frequently texts, calls, or emails someone else and hides these interactions from you.
- Emotional Intimacy: They share personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with this other person, which they don’t share with you.
- Prioritizing the Other Person: They spend more time thinking about or with this other person than they do with you, often neglecting your needs and the relationship.
- Jealousy and Defensiveness: Your partner becomes defensive or angry when you ask about their relationship with this person or if you express concerns.
- Comparison: They compare you unfavourably to this other person, either openly or subtly, making you feel inadequate or less important.
Is Emotional Cheating Real?
Yes, emotional cheating is real. It can be just as damaging as physical cheating, if not more so, because it erodes the trust and emotional intimacy that are fundamental to a healthy relationship. Emotional cheating often involves secrecy, betrayal, and the redirection of emotional energy away from the primary relationship.
Emotional Cheating vs. Friendship
It’s important to differentiate between a healthy friendship and an emotional cheat. Friendships are characterized by mutual respect, honesty, and appropriate boundaries. Emotional cheating, however, crosses these boundaries and often involves:
- Secrecy: Keeping the relationship hidden from your partner.
- Intensity: Forming a deep emotional bond that rivals or surpasses the bond with your partner.
- Dependency: Relying on the other person for emotional support and validation that should come from your partner.
Protecting Your Relationship from Emotional Cheating
There are different opinions on how to protect a relationship from emotional cheating. For example, in the book “Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship,” M. Gary Neuman suggests limiting friendships with the opposite sex to protect your marriage. He believes avoiding these friendships is very important for keeping your marriage safe from emotional infidelity.
However, some people think this approach is problematic. It doesn’t address the reasons someone might seek emotional intimacy outside their marriage and can make married people feel isolated. Friendships and social support are important for well-being and don’t have to harm your primary relationship.
The best way to protect a marriage is for both partners to work together. Neuman also suggests having weekly dates and making time for conversations, which helps maintain a close and open relationship.
What to Do When Your Partner is Emotionally Cheating
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s normal to feel hurt, angry, or betrayed. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment.
- Communicate Openly: Talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns. Use “I” statements to express how their actions are affecting you, such as “I feel hurt when you spend so much time talking to [the person’s name].”
- Set Boundaries: Discuss and establish clear boundaries that both of you agree on. This can help rebuild trust and prevent future emotional cheating.
- Seek Professional Help: Consider couples therapy or individual counselling to work through the issues. A therapist can provide tools and strategies to help you navigate this challenging time.
- Evaluate the Relationship: Reflect on the overall health of your relationship. Are both partners willing to work on the issues? Are you both committed to rebuilding trust and intimacy?
- Take Care of Yourself: Focus on self-care and maintain your emotional well-being. Engage in activities that make you feel good and spend time with supportive friends and family.
Conclusion
Emotional cheating can be a significant breach of trust in a relationship, but it doesn’t always mean the end. By acknowledging the problem, communicating openly, and seeking help, many couples can work through the betrayal and emerge stronger. Remember, healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. If these elements are lacking, it may be time to reconsider the relationship’s future.
