When it comes to dating, it’s easy to be swept away by common interests. Maybe you both love hiking, bingeing the same Netflix series, or trying out new restaurants. While those shared hobbies can spark fun and connection early on, they don’t necessarily guarantee long-term compatibility.
At The Crush Confidential, we see time and time again that the couples who thrive aren’t just bonded by what they do together—they’re united by what they believe in.
Why Values Matter More Than Activities
Hobbies can change. Interests fade. Life circumstances evolve. But values—like integrity, ambition, family priorities, spirituality, or financial mindset—are much more enduring.
A couple who both love hiking may get along on Saturday mornings, but if one values building a family and the other values total independence, tension is inevitable down the road. True compatibility comes from aligning on what matters most at the core.
(Related reading: The Three-Date Rule: Why You Shouldn’t Judge Compatibility Too Quickly).
The Role of Lifestyle Alignment
Amanda Hood, founder of The Crush Confidential, often emphasizes lifestyle alignment as the foundation of a successful relationship. It’s not just about liking the same things—it’s about wanting the same kind of life.
For example:
Do you both envision kids in your future?
How do you approach finances and career goals?
Is faith or spirituality important in your daily life?
How do you balance work, family, and personal time?
When these answers are aligned, the relationship feels natural. Shared hobbies become a bonus instead of the glue holding things together.
How to Shift Your Dating Mindset
If you’re single and looking for a partner, here are a few ways to focus on values over activities:
Ask intentional questions early. Instead of “What do you like to do for fun?” try “What’s most important to you right now in life?”
Pay attention to patterns. Notice not just what someone says, but how they live. Do their actions reflect values that match your own?
Don’t overlook differences. It’s okay to have separate hobbies—as long as your deeper goals align.
For more guidance, Amanda recently shared in her Now in the Nati interview that 95% of her clients are single parents—and for them, lifestyle alignment is even more crucial than ever.
The Bottom Line
Shared hobbies might get you a second date. Shared values are what build a lifetime partnership.
Want more insights? Explore our post on Intentional Dating: The Secret to Finding Love Faster or learn why dating with kids requires a mindset shift toward clarity and purpose.